Stalking Sesshomaru
by Ryochan8
Summary: When Sesshomaru is finally sucessful in stealing the Tetsusaiga, the Inu-gumi is left with little choice but to stalk the demon lord and regain what's SUPPOSED to be rightfully theirs.
1. Default Chapter

**Ryochan8: Inuyasha and all of it's characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, who belongs to her parents, who belong to THEIR parents, who belong to THEIR parents, who-**

**Sesshomaru: This may take awhile…….**

**Ryochan8:-who belongs to THEIR parents……**

**Ch.**** 1: Tetsusaiga Gone MIA**

         After many failed attempts and many near-death experiences, Sesshomaru had finally thought of a fool-proof plan to steal the Tetsusaiga; **_STEAL _it!  Yes indeedy, it sure took him long enough to think of that.  So, in the dead of the night, Sesshomaru snuck into the Inu-gumi's campsite and started searching for his dear half-brother, only to notice that he was sleeping in a tree (directly above Kagome o).  Internally sighing, he slinked away, knowing that it would be nearly impossible for him to just snatch the sword and run when he was in THAT position.**

********

Back at his castle, Sesshomaru sat on one of his comfy chairs.  Deep in thought, he leaned back into the chair, only to have it recline and push out a footstool (A/N: Think Laz-E-Boy chairs).  

         "How come I, Sesshomaru, did not know I had in my possession such a sweet recliner?"  

         Shaking his head in wonder, he brought his mind back on track; how was he to steal the Tetsusaiga?  If he could possibly become light enough to land on the tree without the barbaric half-breed noticing, then maybe-

         "M'lord, I have brought your noon-time tea!" called Jaken as he came into the room carrying a tray with a pot of tea and a cup.

Noticing Jaken, Sesshomaru rubbed his chin thoughtfully and thought aloud," Hmmm……"

**********

         "M'lord, PLEASE reconsider!" pleaded Jaken as Sesshomaru was ready to toss him onto the tree branch.  It was later that night and Sesshomaru had taken Jaken back to his enemy's campsite to steal Tetsusaiga.  

         "Be quiet! You should be honored that you can be useful to me!" Sesshomaru harshly whispered back.

         "Yes, useful as a babysitter to Rin or as moral support!" Jaken replied, almost in tears.

         Sesshomaru brushed him off saying," Rin can take care of herself."

**********

         "Wow, look at the cute animals!" Rin said as she walked closer to the baby brown bears, unaware of the pissed-off mother bear behind her.

*********

         And so, Sesshomaru hurled Jaken at Inuyasha, who landed on said hanyou's stomach with a *fwump*  Inuyasha, however, only mumbled," lemme 'lone, damn clay pot" and started snoring.  Jaken, sweatdropping, hesitantly reached for the Tetsusaiga and quickly ripped it out of Inuyasha's arms and threw it to Sesshomaru.  Sesshomaru looked at the sword in his hands in awe.  It was finally his.  After all this time, after so many battles, his father's prize heirloom was finally _his.  Caught up in the moment, Sesshomaru, feared Demon Lord of the Western Lands, did a victory dance.  _

*********

         It was a BEAUTIFUL morning. The birds were singing, the sun was shining-

         "WHERE THE FUCK IS TETSUSAIGA?!?!?!"

-and Inuyasha was nearing a mental breakdown.  

         "Try looking in the bushes," suggested Shippo.

         Inuyasha glared at the fox and gritted out," I. Already. Did."  He turned to Kagome and accused," Did you steal it to sharpen your "pen suls" AGAIN?!"

         Kagome indignantly cried," Hey, that was only one time!"

         Suddenly, Myoga's voice was heard saying," Lord Inuyasha, Tetsusaiga has been stolen!" 

         Miroku "tripped" onto Myoga and said in mock contrite," I slipped on my slippers."

         "Indeed," the flea squeaked.

         "Oi, what's this about the Tetsusaiga being stolen?" Inuyasha interrupted. 

         Myoga crawled out from under Miroku and explained," Last night, your brother came-"

         Kagome asked," Who, Ozzie Osborne?"

         Myoga ignored her and continued,"-and stole Tetsusaiga from your very hands."

         "Well that sucks," commented Sango.

         "Easy for YOU to say, YOUR weapon wasn't stolen," sulked Inuyasha.  Sango just shrugged her shoulders and thought, _Thank goodness Sesshomaru doesn't have ANY taste in weaponry._

Shippo asked," So what are we gonna do?"

         Kagome sighed," Well, without Tetsusaiga, we're practically defensless-" 

         "HEY!" Miroku, Sango, and Inuyasha indignantly cried.

         "-so we're just going to have to steal it back," she finished.

         Myoga looked at her and said," You are SUCH a bright girl. Only a GENIUS could think up such a thought-"

         "Shut up Myoga," Kagome huffed.

         Sango said," Alright, let's stop arguing and go get that rusted piece of junk BACK!"

         "YEAH!" the group chorused.

******

         Sesshomaru, lounging in his newfound recliner, suddenly shuddered and thought, _Hm__, I wonder what this sudden ominous feeling is about…….hey, where's Rin?-haven't seen her for DAYS…….._

****


	2. On the Way

Disclaimer:  Can I own Miroku? *lawyers shake heads* Can I own Fluffy? *lawyers shake heads again*  ……..KOUGA?!  *lawyers menacingly hold up lawsuits* ……Well, if I can't own them, than what's the point of owning Inuyasha? *sighs in defeat* I don't own it and I never will. Happy now?!

**Ch.**** 2: On the Way**

****

          "Amuse me, Jaken," sighed Sesshomaru.

          Jaken blanched and asked," Um, M'lord?"

          "I, Sesshomaru, am bored.  AMUSE ME!!!" He commanded.

          Jaken, grasping for straws, blurted," W-what about Tetsusaiga, M'lord? Can you not practice wielding it so you can destroy Inuyasha?"

          "……..very well, if you insist, Jaken," Sesshomaru smirked.  And with that, he slashed through the disgusting toad with Tetsusaiga.  Then, using Tenseiga, he revived him.  

Jaken, nauseous from being resurrected and shivering in fright, nearly shrieked," M-m'lord, why did you do that?!  Have I not been your faithful follower?!"

"Oh shut up, Jaken.  This is amusing me." And for the next two hours, he made a game of alternately using Tetsusaiga and Tenseiga on Jaken and random demon servants in his castle. 

"HOLD STILL AND LET ME KILL YOU!!  I AM YOUR MASTER, OBEY ME!!!"

"AIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

"SESSHOMARU-SAMA'S GONE INSAAAAAAAAAAANE!!!"

"HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!"

"NO, HEAD FOR THE CAVES! THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!"

**********

          "Are we there yet?"

          "No Shippo, that's the tenth time you've asked in-"

          "I'm _thirsty!"_

          "I spy something GREEN!" 

          "I'm _tired."_

          "Let me guess, the trees?"

          "No, the grass!"

          "I'm _hungry!"_

          "EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! ALL YOUR FUCKIN' WHINING IS GETTING ON MY NERVES!" Inuyasha shouted, reaching his breaking point.  Sango, Kirara, Miroku, Kagome, and Shippo looked at him in amazement.  He only used _two_ swear words! He really WAS getting more civilized!

          After walking for nearly two days, Inuyasha seemed to be getting more and more comparable to a PMS-ing rhino.  It didn't help matters that they were blindly walking into the Demon Lord's territory without a plan or that besides the Kazanna and Hiraikotsu, they were practically defenseless.  Yup, the joys of anxiety attacks.   

          Kagome said," Hey Inuyasha, why don't we take a break?"

          Inuyasha, the yang to her yin, yelled," Why the HELL do we have to take a fucking break?! We're all FINE, dammit!"  Kagome sweatdropped and pointed to the fainted Kirara, Miroku sprawled on the ground wheezing, and the panicking Sango who was also on the ground, desperately trying to regain the feeling in her legs.  

          Inuyasha argued," SHIPPO'S fine and if HE can move, then so can WE!"

          Shippo raised his eyebrow and said," Inuyasha, I've been ridding on Kagome's shoulder for hours.  Of COURSE I'm okay! Do you EVER see me walking?" He proudly slapped his thighs," I'd be surprised if these puppies could drag me through a meadow!"

          "How are we _ever going to catch up to Sesshomaru at THIS rate?" Inuyasha growled._

          Miroku commented," So we ARE going after Sesshomaru!" Grinning, he turned to Sango and said," Pay up, sister."  

          As Sango handed him a bag of Doritos she grumbled," I was SURE we were hunting down NARAKU….."

          Inuyasha fumed," Of COURSE we're hunting down that bastard! He stole Tetsusaiga, remember?!"   

          Sango asked," Hang on, which bastard are we talking about here?"

          Miroku added," I am confused also."  Inuyasha's only response was a shout of frustration.  

          Kagome patted him on the shoulder and said," Don't worry Inuyasha, they're only teasing you!  They knew all along who we were hunting down!"

          Inuyasha mumbled," Feh."

          Miroku seriously said," But at the rate we're going, we should run into him within the week."  Inuyasha only feh'ed in response.

          Kagome fumed," What is UP with you? I _told_ you it was just harmless teasing! Really!"  Kirara chose that moment to run up to Inuyasha and steal his fire-rat jacket.

          "DAMMIT, AND THAT WAS CUSTOM-MADE! FUCKIN' CAT, GET THE FUCK BACK HERE WITH MY COAT!!!!!  WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE STEALING MY STUFF!!! HEEEEEY!"

          Unknown to the hysterically laughing group and pissed off hanyou, a figure in the shadows looked on and smiled.


	3. Too Stupid To Be True

I'm baaaaAAAAck!  Sorry for the long wait; ah, procrastination is beautiful!  Anyway, I bet you don't wanna hear me babble, so I'll just go on with the fic!  

          Disclaimer: I know the disclaimer that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know the disclaimer that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes......

*cricket*

*cricket*

Um. I don't own Inuyasha or "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend". Yeah, I'll just shut up now........Did I mention my brother helped me write this? Um. Yeah. Anyways......

**Ch.**** 3: Too Stupid To Be True**

****

          "Inuyasha, dinnertime!" Kagome called, holding out a cup of instant ramen.

          "Shhhh! I've almost got the little shit weasel!" harshly whispered the poor coatless dog demon, inching closer and closer to the fire-cat that was currently using his coat to harbor hacked-up hairballs.  Just as Inuyasha was about to yank away the jacket, however, Sango picked up Kirara, jacket and all, and said," You reek Kirara! I'm giving you a bath. Wanna come, Kagome?" 

          Kagome cheered," Yay! Bath time, bath time!" 

          Shippo moaned," Oh no, you've brought out the Bath Fairy......our horrible hygienes are in danger! RUN FOR IT!!!"  And with that, Shippo ran like the dickens.

          "........................."

          ".........................."

          "....shlurp............"

          "MIROKU, QUIT IT WITH THE DAMN NOODLES ALREADY!!!" Inuyasha yelled.  Quickly gathering her bath supplies, Kagome skipped after Sango in the bliss of anticipation of a bath.  So, alone at the campsite, Miroku continued slurping his noodles and Inuyasha slumped against a tree in defeat.  FINALLY finishing the last of the cup, Miroku asked," So, what's got you so down, Inuyasha?"

          Inuyasha enlightened him with a glare.

          Fighting a sweatdrop, the monk cheerfully said," Well, if you wanted to peek on Kagome-sama so much, you should have ASKED. Let's go!"

          Nursing the newest bump on his head, Miroku could only just barely hear Inuyasha mutter," I'm just worried about what that bastard is planning to use Tetsusaiga for......."

          Now having all of the information it needed, the figure left the campsite and swiftly dashed to report back to its master.

*********

          "So, Inuyasha has lost Tetsusaiga to Sesshomaru?-And the half-breed is only a few days away from his castle? Hm......."  The demon pondered this new information.  He looked up to his informant, a female kitsune by the name of Shicho.  Hmph. Butterfly of death, how fitting, seeing as this particular assassin never missed a target.  

          He ordered, "Continue observing them.  If they come too close to retrieving Tetsusaiga, then eliminate them."

          "Very well, my lord.  But what about the current owner of Tetsusaiga? Should I eliminate him as well?" the assassin coolly replied.

          "I shall deal with him myself," Naraku smirked.

**********

          "So you are saying that Rin has been like this for the last few days?" Sesshomaru blandly asked, stifling a grimace as a centipede crawled out from a hole in her side.

          "Yes, m'lord," Jaken replied cautiously, trying not to provoke the evil swordsman lurking within the heart of the dog demon. _Almost like some sick form of S&M_, he thought with a shudder.  

          Sesshomaru continued looking at the bloody, pale, and non-breathing Rin.  He poked her a few times and then asked his servant," What do you suppose is the problem?"

          Jaken nodded his head in self-assurance," Oh, she's probably a little depressed over a boy or some other teenage angst.  It should go away soon if we just leave her be."

          Sesshomaru stoicly said," Really? She seems dead to me."

          Jaken protested," B-b-but M'lord! She moved a little while ago! She can't be dead!"

          Sesshomaru flatly informed him," That was because a bug was exiting her body." He glared at Jaken and icily told him," She is deceased. Six feet under. Her light bulb has burned out. She is asleep forever. She has kicked the can. Bit the big one.  She has met her maker. Her batteries have run out.  She has fallen and will never get up.  Her car has run out of gas.  Jaken, SHE IS DEAD."  And with that he swung Tenseiga and revived the little girl.  

          "Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin cried out in joy.

          The demon lord sheathed his sword and commented,"Hm. Next time I shall not be bothered to bring you back to life; have you learned your lesson?"

          Rin nodded and said," Yup! Now I know that- *suddenly bursting into song*

_A kiss may be grand _

_But it won't pay the rental on your humble flat or help_

_You at the automat_

_Men grow cold as women grow old_

_And we all lose our charms in the end_

_But diamonds are a girl's best friend!_

          "We've created a monster," Jaken moaned as he covered his ears.


	4. Can You Hook Us Up?

Just to say, this story is not exactly on top of my priority list, so updates are questionable. In other words, DON'T EXPECT FAST UPDATAGE!!! That said, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers! All of you are kind, way too kind….sniffles But anyway, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Inuyasha. If I did, then Sesshomaru would be the main character and Miroku would get more screen time. :D

**Ch.**** 4: Can You Hook Us Up?**

****

Two days had passed, yet something seemed amiss. The three boys of the Inu-gumi looked up. The sky was blue and mostly clear. They looked side-to-side. Nope, no demons. So what could be the problem? Suddenly, the answer occurred to Inuyasha.

"AREN'T THOSE DAMN WENCHES DONE WITH THEIR FUCKING BATHS YET!?!?"

------------------------

"Do you think they've noticed we're gone yet?" asked Sango as she and Kagome slinked in the forest towards the well.

"Naaaaaaaaaah…… I mean, it's INUYASHA we're talking about here. He knows better than to check to see if we're still bathing and he's not exactly the sharpest arrow in the quiver, if you know what I mean."

The two girls giggled and Sango added," Although, I have to admit, Houshi-sama might suspect something's up."

Kagome slyly hinted, "You have a crush on him, don't you?"

Sango yelled "OF COURSE I DON'T!" and stomped ahead, sporting a suspiciously flushed face. Kagome chuckled and inwardly cheered as she came closer and closer to the portal, counting down the seconds until the well came into view.

_ Three………..two-_

"PEEKABOO!!! WE SEE YOUUUUUU!!!"

"KYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT!!!" Kagome yelped.

Kagura and Kanna looked at her weirdly. Kagome sweatdropped and sheepishly explained," I thought you were Inuyasha."

"Oh….." Kagura said nodding. Kanna remained silent, sporting her normally expressionless appearance.

Remembering who they were, Kagome blanched and defensively asked," H-hang on, what are you doing here?! Are you after Inuyasha again?!"

Kagura looked at her with a 'you've GOT to be kidding me' expression and drawled," We DO have lives outside of trying to off him, you know."

Kanna titled her head in question and asked," We do?"

DING DING DING! Kanna had just won first prize from 'Wrath of Kagura Co.' Glaring at the older demon, Kanna fell into a sulky silence while nursing her newly acquired bump.

"So what **_DO _**you guys want?" Kagome asked with unmasked curiosity.

"Well………" Kagura blushed and started twiddling her thumbs.

"Kagura-san wishes for Kagome-san to help her in her plan to hook up with a 'hot and sexy piece of man-meat' ," Kanna bluntly stated. While Kagome's eyes bugged out, Kagura angrily chased Kanna around, with battle cries of "YOU BRAT" and "YOU ONLY OPEN YOUR MOUTH TO HUMILIATE ME".

Kagome giggled," You guys argue like sisters!"

The two female demons looked at her blankly and stated, "Uh, we ARE." Kagome sweatdropped.

"Kagome-chan! Where are you?!" echoed the voice of Sango along with Kirara's concerned mews.

"YAY!! More helpers!" Kagura cheered.

Kagome sweatdropped and asked," What exactly are you devising in that scary place you call a mind?"

As Sango jogged into the clearing holding Kirara, Kagura winked at Kagome and teased, "That would be Naraku, my dear."

------------------------------------

"M'Lord!! You've got mail!" Jaken exclaimed as he burst into Sesshomaru's study.

"……….has the art of knocking become lost to you Jaken? I am currently busy; I will read the letter at another time," Sesshomaru ordered as he waved his hand dismissively.

Jaken sweatdropped as he noticed the mess of origami, tic-tac toe games, and doodles of Inuyasha with devil horns and a tail scattered across his desk.

"Who is it from?" Sesshomaru sighed, noticing his lackey's blank stare.

"I think it's from another Demon Lord, Sesshomaru-sama."

The Western Lord daintily snatched the letter from Jaken and opened it. As he read, the air around him seemed to tense and cackle with the anticipation of bad news.

Jaken inwardly moaned, _Oh holy mother of cra-_

Sesshomaru tore the letter to miniscule pieces and stated, "Fanmail. How quaint. Now leave me, I have urgent matters to attend to."

"F-f-FANMAIL?! But M'lord, the envelope was drenched in BLOOD!"

"You say that as if my nose could not pick up such a scent."

Jaken gulped.

Noticing his nervousness, Sesshomaru smirked and thought, _He expects punishment, does he? Then I should not disappoint._

Sesshomaru gracefully stood up and strode to a case on the other side of the room. The quaking Jaken peeked behind his hands to watch what his master was doing, only to realize his punishment.

Tetsusaiga.

Tensaiga.

"Oh. Shit."

--------------------------------

The four girls were sitting in a circle (Kirara was napping on Sango's lap), finishing the last details of Kagura's plan.

"So, as you see, our goals coincide; you can get back what's rightfully yours and _I_ can claim….heheheehehe," Kagura trailed off, floating into Lala Land.

Kagome and Sango exchanged glances. It SEEMED reasonable enough, but could Kagura be trusted?

_Flashback_

_ "Now that Sango's calmed down, we can let you in on our grand scheme of things," Kagura began. Kagome nodded enthusiastically, while Sango remained motionless, obviously distrusting the two Naraku clones. Kirara growled and positioned herself for a quick pounce, trusting them as much as occupants of a prison cell._

_ "We have heard that Sesshomaru of the Western Lands has stolen the Tetsusaiga, leaving the hanyou pretty much defenseless." Kagome glared as Sango held the teenager back from maiming the wind witch._

_ Kagura ignored Kagome's strangling motions and continued, "So, here's our deal; we help you guys get into Sesshomaru's castle so you can steal back Tetsusaiga……HOWEVER. You leave Sesshomaru to **me**." She licked her lips and continued," I've heard he denies all women…… he's sure to be an EXCELLENT conquest." _

_ End Flashback_

As Kanna tried to snap Kagura out of her daydream, Kagome looked at Sango helplessly.

"Sango-chan…… I've been so _useless_ except for finding the shards. Maybe….. maybe if I get Tetsusaiga back…….maybe then…." Sango patted Kagome's head and smiled.

"Okay Kagome. I'll help you. Inuyasha needs to see how strong you really are." Sango turned towards the two demons and took a breath.

"We're in."


End file.
